Sometimes, everything is gray.

Dear Friend,

I’ve been in and out of therapy for the last five years. By every objective measure I’m “winning the game.” I’m engaged to a woman I love; I have a good job; I live close enough to visit my parents whenever I choose. I read, run, breathe, and… succeed.

And I feel like a trash person. I’m tired (right now). In my bones. This is abnormal for me. The way I described my anxiety/depression to my mom is that it feels like I’m going to get squished by a boot. Most of the time I scramble out of the way before it crushes me (anxiety). Right now I can see the boot descending and instead of scrambling, I’m just laying down waiting to be squished (depression). Everything is gray.

What I want is to transform that boot into a hot air balloon (like a Boggart in Harry Potter) and go for a ride up into the pretty clouds.

I’m good with text, phone calls, or emails. I have experience with EMDR and virtual talk therapy (I’m working on finding out which modality was the most effective). I’m ready to do the work to reset into a positive mental groove. And learn some fundamentals to make that groove harder to escape.

Yours,
JT