Look both ways before you cross the street.

Dear Friend,

Maybe you’re 31 years old and you’re dating. And it turns out that the biological clock in the women you’re dating is firing, intensely. And they know that their goal is to find a man, get to know that man, and start a family. That’s scary. It’s even scarier if you have to rush it.

Maybe that means that your chances of finding a partner are somehow impeded. Everyone’s in a hurry so you can’t find you’re one.

But, look both ways before you cross the street.

That also means that those potential partners are in a uniquely vulnerable position. Maybe their life circumstance increases the odds that you can get to a deeper place in that relationship more quickly.

Maybe you’re in a relationship that was super unlikely. You found a guy on a social media app, you matched, you chatted. It was good. And then you moved away. Maybe years later that same guy matches with you again. On seeing his photo displayed in the app you’re dislodged from your body. Your stomach turns over, your heart beat speeds up. You think this must be a dream. Or some… alternative reality.

You can’t quite believe the message you’re typing when you send “Hi again, stranger! Do you remember me?” You live an entire life in the moments of the bouncing “…” as he responds. For an eternity you convince yourself that you must be mis-remembering. Then you get back “So… how about that beer?” and the dream goes on.

Things between you have been the best they can possibly be. And… maybe now he has to move away. That sucks. It hurts, bad.

But, look both ways before you cross the street.

This also means that he’ll be back. Or that you can move on from those thoughts of what of might have been.

Maybe you’re working a dead-end job. Your boss is convincing you that your experience isn’t relevant and that you’re doing it wrong. Maybe it just seems like you don’t matter and you don’t have anything to teach. Maybe it feels like no matter how hard you work you won’t get any better.

But, look both ways before you cross the street.

Your struggle to make a difference is grounded in compassion and curiosity. Your patience with the struggle will inform your efforts for the rest of your life. It’s only martyrdom if you exit the game completely. Mining your experience for valuable insights that will make other teams better is also an option.

If it is remotely possible that you are a meat sack stuck on a rock hurtling through vast nothing; if it is remotely possible that everything you do means nothing, that you mean nothing, then it is also remotely possible that you mean everything. That you are far more important and impactful and positioned to effect much greater change than you can possibly imagine.

Yours,
JT

P.S.

“There is nothing enlightened about your acting small so that other people do not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do.”

Movies that come to mind:

  • Step Up
  • Moana
  • Coach Carter
  • Invincible
  • Miracle
  • How To Train Your Dragon

Other sources that jump to mind:

  • Ted Lasso - “Do you believe in miracles?” vs. “It’s the hope that kills you.”
  • Crucial Conversations
  • Influence Is Your Superpower
  • Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It
  • “There Will Be Another One”
  • “Never”
  • “How Far I’ll Go”
  • “Brave”

You are not alone.

Do the work.